So what’s up with all these “Apps”? Do we really need these tools to help us navigate our daily lives? Did you know there is a $4 App called the Hair Clinic? It supposedly regenerates your hair by sending special frequencies to you follicles! There’s also an App called the “Woo Button”, yes a button that blurts out a simple “Wooooo!” Surely Steve Jobs had more cerebral uses in mind when he came up with the applications platform. So given the deep rooted common background, Steve and I share, (both of Syrian Origin), I have taken the liberty to develop my own list of “Abe’s 9 must have Apps of 2012”:
- The “I told you so” App, monitors unsolicited yet priceless advice I give to random people, and then send them I told you so emails and texts when they mess up, having failed to heed my valuable advice.
- The “1 minute fast-forward” App, is a button I would push when I find myself listening to an endless phone conversation and just want to move things along.
- The “Whatever” App, is a tool that automatically translates the intended meaning of the word “whatever” when annoyingly used by my teens.
- The “You looking me?” App is used for those instances when I’d like to know whether the young lady across the bar is actually looking at me or is looking at the TV behind the bar.
- The “Arab Spring Cleaning” App is a real-time tool with latest updates on Arab dictators, with projected exile locations and potential impact on local real estate prices.
- The “Just one more” App would monitor my alcohol intake and issue a warning message showing me a facsimile of how I will look and feel like at 6:57am the next morning should I imbibe that last drink I’m still holding in my hand.
- “Homework guard” is an App that replaces my continuous nagging so that my kid finishes his homework. Instead it sends a delicate wireless electric shock to my son’s frontal lobe causing homework inducing convulsions.
- The “Teen descrambler” App allows me to unscramble and decipher the low volume subhuman noises that emanate from my teens when they rarely communicate with me.
- “Mind-scriber” Is what I would have used when I woke up at 3am last night and came up with this lame article. Instead of pen and paper, mind-scriber simply saves fertile ideas in my brain’s hard disk for later access (or deletion).
By Ibrahim Mardam-Bey: father, husband, brother, friend, entrepreneur and writer.